Even the most successful people in business lack confidence sometimes. They are just better at dealing with the situation.
So here are 7 Quick Confidence Boosters you can apply to meetings, presentations or just to help you rise to a new challenge.
- Remind yourself what you offer the other people. Why were you chosen for this job? Write it down and think of specific proof points. Now is the time to get over yourself and start helping others.
- Talk to others as a human to human. Stop trying to be impressive. It’s ease which gives you the presence and status. It’s also a truly liberating approach (even the Dalai Lama uses this one!)
- Connect to your purpose or what’s important to you. When you do this you will be an authentic and powerful communicator. People will know you are genuine and more likely to support you. Focus on your ‘why’.
- Breathe – in and out naturally.
- Prepare solidly – accept the worst case scenario, don’t fight it or dwell on it but do have a plan. Focus on the opportunity.
- Dump the PowerPoint slides if you can – instead have a two way conversation.
- I would say this wouldn’t I! But if you have real confidence challenges, organise some 1-2-1 coaching. It makes a massive difference.
I hope this helps. See more blogs and vlogs at www.kineticfuture.com/inspirations/
KineticFuture offers executive coaching and communications coaching. We specialise in helping leaders ignite their people around purpose. Contact us on +44 (0)1628 624312 to find out more.
Your eyes really are the gateway to your soul. And it’s one of the first things to go when we’re under pressure. Here’s a top tip that will give you the warm authority leaders need even when the going gets tough. Click here to watch.
I hope it’s useful. Let us know how you get on. If you’d like us to coach you or your team to increase your presence, gravitas or warm authority do give us a ring. It would be a pleasure to work with you on this.
Image of Euro Hockey player Maddie Hinch sourced from Flickr & cropped for use.
Here’s the second in our ‘managing your tell’ vlog series. Very relevant as we are all in planning negotiations at this time of year. With solutions to one of the most common ‘tells’ we coach. Click here to watch.
Let us know how you get on.
To receive high quality coaching on HOW to develop your own executive presence and gravitas for your own situation do give us a ring. We develop practical programmes to suit you.
Email email@example.com or call us on +44 (0) 1628 621312.
Watch part 1 of this vlog series here.
This is a fascinating book by Russ Harris. It’s a programme based on ACT: a mindfulness-based approach to overcoming anxiety and stress. He uses great day to day analogies we can all relate to with lots of practical quizzes, worksheets and exercises too.
The central idea is that it’s more effective to observe any unhelpful thoughts or feelings rather than try to control them or fight them. And then to ensure that you act on your values.
I’m finding the ideas helpful for me and for the leaders I coach. Try them out for your next presentation, big meeting or challenging conversation.
Here are some simple tips from the first part of the book to help you de-fuse those frustrations or anxious thoughts:
- Notice the thought or feeling is there
- Observe it, don’t fight it or challenge it
- Say ‘thanks mind’ or ‘thanks for sharing’. Notice what happens, or
- Pick a favourite cartoon character or movie character like Brian’s mum in ‘The Life of Brian’, (my favourite!), bring it to mind and ‘hear’ the thought in that voice. Notice what happens.
You can use these ideas yourself for day to day worries. The ACT programme is also used by counsellors to help with depression. Buy ‘The Happiness Trap’ by Russ Harris on Amazon here.
KineticFuture is a leadership coaching company specialising in communications. We coach one to one and in groups. Contact Karen Moyse if you’d like to discuss this on Karen@kineticfuture.com
Q: I am frustrated. I have someone experienced on my team who I know has the potential to develop and contribute a great deal more. But despite all my best efforts it’s just not happening. It’s not a performance management issue but I know they are giving me only ‘just enough’. And this year I need everyone firing on all cylinders. I’m looking for new ideas!
A: A good first step is to think about whether it’s a “can’t cook”, “won’t cook” or “used to cook well but doesn’t now” situation. And consider whether it’s a problem of knowledge, attitude or skills. Does that narrow it down?
However, I sense that you may need to go back to foundations here. It sounds like your person is not currently engaged in their job. By that I mean they are not really paying attention, passionate about it or ready to go the extra mile. So you can try to build their knowledge and skills but without a different mindset nothing much is going to happen. But you can use some practical nudge strategies from brain science to help.
Here are 3 big ways of building brain engagement. Explore if any of these could work for you.
- Coherence. Is the work environment coherent? – How could you make what’s happening or needed clearer, more consistent and easy to understand? Brains engage when there aren’t conflicting messages.
- Contribution. Knowing you are contributing gives your brain a big dopamine hit, a great reward. So consider how you enable them to contribute, how you appreciate them properly, what suits their personality type and critically how you systematise how you talk to them so it happens regularly. Remember you’re looking to build on any bright spot of behaviour. It’s much easier to get them going by doing more of something they do already and then flexing.
- Interpersonal Connection. We are wired for human connection, even if we are introverts. It’s how early humans survived and good connections boost the oxytocin in our brains, which reduces our stress. Another reward. This is a delicate one because again you need to work out how this individual likes to connect to others. But ask yourself, how can I build trust, how should the contact levels be, how can I increase inclusiveness or build a sense of tribe and how could I encourage collaboration in different ways?
Only you know the practical things that will work for you. Let us know how you get on.
If you would like coaching to tackle this type of challenge or a problem you think stems from a lack of team engagement, do give us a call. We develop practical programmes to suit you.
You’ve communicated the vision, you’ve got a great plan but your team or your management is just not getting it. And they are certainly not moving to action.
And it’s no good just shouting louder like the cartoon Brit abroad if you want action.
I’m going to start with a dirty word. For some reason I can’t fathom, the idea that you are ‘selling’ when you communicate is a huge switch off. Yet life is a pitch – call it what you like. So dive in and learn a great deal from strategic sales skills.
At the very heart of ‘selling’ is the idea of ‘get over yourself, it’s all about the audience’. It’s all about listening more than you talk and uncovering insights. It’s about understanding and respecting the other person’s needs, desires, fears.
Yet, we all see leaders at all levels in the company battering people with their own agendas and own messages in their own language. Be honest, in our rush and stress we may all be doing this ourselves!
Base your communications 100% on what’s in it for the other person or the audience. What do they want? Where are they coming from? Sure, you need your own objective in mind, but this is the only way you’ll have a hope of igniting others around purpose.
KineticFuture solves problems by offering advanced communications coaching for: leaders battling change, strategic sales people dealing with scepticism and technical people talking to non technical audiences. Do talk to us about your own challenges by emailing Karen@kineticfuture.com.
Double Standards For Women
Q: If a man is assertive and speaks out strongly that seems ok. But if I do the same as a female leader I’m considered aggressive or even emotional. How do I deal with these double standards and have executive presence?
A: Infuriating isn’t it! The EP strategies below have been useful for other senior women and you could add them in to what’s working for you already.
- Be clear why you got the job. Yes you need to flex and grow in a new role but don’t squash the assets that made you successful in the first place. Do you know what they are? Are you clear about your own brand, vision and values? Don’t get lost. Don’t make the mistake of needing to be liked. There are huge advantages of being a senior woman at work. What can you do to achieve results in your own way?
- Can you make an asset of being different? At first, you can go in with a disruption strategy, but normally it’s easier to connect to ‘The Tribe’ by fitting in and biding your time a little to win their confidence and work out the lie of the land. Then, you can dial up the assets that make you different and useful to the business. That might be your culture, your style or different knowledge and perspective.
- Calibrate your reactions. The harsh reality is that in traditional work cultures senior women need to be calmer and more measured in their delivery than men. Do you think you need to dial down your behaviour, choose your moments or just ignore the feedback? Check you have a strong positive physicality. It communicates gravitas and executive presence fast. In particular, work on a lower, more resonant voice – high pitched, light voices can sound like whining and many older men can’t even hear voices on a high frequency. Of course, using wry humour can be a more effective way to diffuse a situation or make your point. Could you mix more of this in?
- Come to the forefront on the tough issues. You can score big on executive presence if you communicate strongly when there’s a big issue that the team are finding difficult to solve. Choose your moment and issue, have all your facts and figures in place to make the case strongly. Be savvy with socialising your recommendation ahead of the big meeting or presentation. And follow up with key players.
To be coached on the HOW of developing your executive presence and gravitas for your own situation do give us a ring. We develop bespoke courses for individuals or groups of all sexes, ages and cultures.
This week I thought I’d share with you this inspirational, light-hearted look at milliennials – Simon Sinek’s 2 minute video with amazing animation by Jocie Juritz. It’s fun and insightful. Take a quick break and watch it here.
Simon is absolutely right – we have to:
- Build their confidence
- Teach them patience
- Help them learn social skills and coping mechanisms
For more tips on how to do this, have a look at last week’s blog post ‘Millennial Magic’ or book a course with us.
If you or your team would like to learn practical approaches to ignite millennials around your purpose, do give us a ring. We develop bespoke coaching and training programmes around your own situation.
We thought we’d share with you our recommended reading list from the area of positive leadership and resilience; combining neuroscience, positivity and communications skills. Let us know if you have any favourites of your own to add.
Karen Reivich – The Resilience Factor
Martin Seligman – Authentic Happiness
Shawn Achor – The Happiness Advantage
David Rock – Your Brain At Work
Sonja Lyubomirsky – The How of Happiness
Nancy Kline – Time to Think
Sarah Lewis – Positive Psychology at Work
Ben Hunt-Davis – Does it Make the Boat Go Faster?
Richard Davidson – The Emotional Life of your Brain
Daniel Kahneman – Thinking Fast and Slow
Romilla Ready & Kate Burton – Neuro-linguistic Programming for Dummies
If you would like to know how to ignite people around your own purpose we can help. We coach leadership teams to be exceptional communicators. Contact us to find out more about our bespoke inspirational courses.
Sometimes, it is realistic to think that the big meeting or conversation is going to be a bit of a ‘mare’ and it would be naive not to prepare. However, it always helps to go in with an open mind and a dose of optimism, whatever your past experience.
Often our fearful thinking is just plain wrong or way out of proportion. We’re making all sorts of assumptions without any evidence at all. To break the cycle and get into a positive, useful place, ask yourself these 5 ‘self coaching’ questions:
- What evidence do I have for this belief?
- What else could be happening?
- How could I see the situation differently? Are there opportunities or an upside?
- If that is the case, on a scale of 1-10 how worried should I be? But on a scale of 1-10 how am I currently reacting? (Is your reaction out of proportion?)
- What’s the very worst that can happen? How likely is that? What is more likely?
Have a go and see what happens.
You can build the confidence and the skills to make your communications more effective and certainly more enjoyable. Have a look at our courses to see how we coach teams to do this or get in touch to book a course today.