Soft Eyes. Manage Your Tell 3

Your eyes really  are the gateway to your soul.  And it’s one of the first things to go when we’re under pressure. Here’s a top tip that will give you the warm authority leaders need even when the going gets tough. Click here to watch.

I hope it’s useful.  Let us know how you get on.  If you’d like us to coach you or your team to increase your presence, gravitas or warm authority do give us a ring.  It would be a pleasure to work with you on this.

Frustration Buster Part 4 – I Just Don’t Get Them!

Have you tried the ‘empty chair technique’?   It’s a great way to find a new perspective and new ways to solve a problem.  Particularly if you’ve tried other ideas and the other person is still driving you bonkers.

Let’s say you have a customer or a client who is being uncooperative or even rude to you or your team. Alternatively, you might need to sell your 2018 programme and budget to your boss but worry about their objections.

The idea behind the ‘empty chair’ technique, which originates from Fritz Perls of the Gestalt school, is that physically altering your point of view and seeing things from a different angle can bring useful insights. This insight helps you change your behaviour to achieve a better outcome.

I really enjoy using it in my one to one coaching.  You can also use it with a colleague taking notes or even on your own.

  • Set up two empty chairs
  • Put yourself in one of the chairs and imagine that the empty chair is occupied by the other person in the relationship.
  • The question is “As x (yourself or the other person), how do you feel about x?
  • You describe what you think and feel about the imaginary person in the other chair and or the situation.
  • You then change chairs and think about yourself ‘being’ the other person, this time looking at an imagined version of yourself.  Ask the same question.

What’s so interesting is that often we have a very good understanding of the other person but the exercises surface knowledge we’ve often ignored. It also releases a great deal of pent up emotion about a relationship which allows you to think more clearly and find new ways of handling the situation.

Please do contact us if you or a colleague would be interested in one to one business coaching. We can talk through what you are looking for and how we work with our clients. Email me at: Karen@kineticfuture.com.

 

Be Big. Manage Your Tell 2

Image of Euro Hockey player Maddie Hinch sourced from Flickr & cropped for use.

Here’s the second in our ‘managing your tell’ vlog series. Very relevant as we are all in planning negotiations at this time of year. With solutions to one of the most common ‘tells’ we coach.  Click here to watch.

Let us know how you get on.

To receive high quality coaching on HOW to develop your own executive presence and gravitas for your own situation do give us a ring. We develop practical programmes to suit you.

Email karenmoyse@kineticfuture.com or call us on +44 (0) 1628 621312.

Watch part 1 of this vlog series here.

Frustration Buster Part 2 – Engage That Brain

Q: I am frustrated. I have someone experienced on my team who I know has the potential to develop and contribute a great deal more. But despite all my best efforts it’s just not happening.  It’s not a performance management issue but I know they are giving me only ‘just enough’.  And this year I need everyone firing on all cylinders.  I’m looking for new ideas!

A: A good first step is to think about whether it’s a “can’t cook”, “won’t cook” or “used to cook well but doesn’t now” situation. And consider whether it’s a problem of knowledge, attitude or skills.  Does that narrow it down?

However, I sense that you may need to go back to foundations here. It sounds like your person is not currently engaged in their job.  By that I mean they are not really paying attention, passionate about it or ready to go the extra mile.  So you can try to build their knowledge and skills but without a different mindset nothing much is going to happen.  But you can use some practical nudge strategies from brain science to help.

Here are 3 big ways of building brain engagement. Explore if any of these could work for you.

  1. Coherence. Is the work environment coherent? – How could you make what’s happening or needed clearer, more consistent and easy to understand? Brains engage when there aren’t conflicting messages.
  2. Contribution. Knowing you are contributing gives your brain a big dopamine hit, a great reward. So consider how you enable them to contribute, how you appreciate them properly, what suits their personality type and critically how you systematise how you talk to them so it happens regularly. Remember you’re looking to build on any bright spot of behaviour. It’s much easier to get them going by doing more of something they do already and then flexing.
  3. Interpersonal Connection. We are wired for human connection, even if we are introverts. It’s how early humans survived and good connections boost the oxytocin in our brains, which reduces our stress. Another reward. This is a delicate one because again you need to work out how this individual likes to connect to others. But ask yourself, how can I build trust, how should the contact levels be, how can I increase inclusiveness or build a sense of tribe and how could I encourage collaboration in different ways?

Only you know the practical things that will work for you. Let us know how you get on.

If you would like coaching to tackle this type of challenge or a problem you think stems from a lack of team engagement, do give us a call. We develop practical programmes to suit you.

Frustration Buster – Part 1

You’ve communicated the vision, you’ve got a great plan but your team or your management is just not getting it. And they are certainly not moving to action.

And it’s no good just shouting louder like the cartoon Brit abroad if you want action.

I’m going to start with a dirty word. For some reason I can’t fathom, the idea that you are ‘selling’ when you communicate is a huge switch off.  Yet life is a pitch – call it what you like.  So dive in and learn a great deal from strategic sales skills.

At the very heart of ‘selling’ is the idea of ‘get over yourself, it’s all about the audience’. It’s all about listening more than you talk and uncovering insights.  It’s about understanding and respecting the other person’s needs, desires, fears.

Yet, we all see leaders at all levels in the company battering people with their own agendas and own messages in their own language. Be honest, in our rush and stress we may all be doing this ourselves!

Top tip:

Base your communications 100% on what’s in it for the other person or the audience. What do they want? Where are they coming from? Sure, you need your own objective in mind, but this is the only way you’ll have a hope of igniting others around purpose.

KineticFuture solves problems by offering advanced communications coaching for: leaders battling change, strategic sales people dealing with scepticism and technical people talking to non technical audiences. Do talk to us about your own challenges by emailing Karen@kineticfuture.com.