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Soft Eyes. Manage Your Tell 3

Your eyes really  are the gateway to your soul.  And it’s one of the first things to go when we’re under pressure. Here’s a top tip that will give you the warm authority leaders need even when the going gets tough. Click here to watch.

I hope it’s useful.  Let us know how you get on.  If you’d like us to coach you or your team to increase your presence, gravitas or warm authority do give us a ring.  It would be a pleasure to work with you on this.

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Frustration Buster Part 4 – I Just Don’t Get Them!

Have you tried the ‘empty chair technique’?   It’s a great way to find a new perspective and new ways to solve a problem.  Particularly if you’ve tried other ideas and the other person is still driving you bonkers.

Let’s say you have a customer or a client who is being uncooperative or even rude to you or your team. Alternatively, you might need to sell your 2018 programme and budget to your boss but worry about their objections.

The idea behind the ‘empty chair’ technique, which originates from Fritz Perls of the Gestalt school, is that physically altering your point of view and seeing things from a different angle can bring useful insights. This insight helps you change your behaviour to achieve a better outcome.

I really enjoy using it in my one to one coaching.  You can also use it with a colleague taking notes or even on your own.

  • Set up two empty chairs
  • Put yourself in one of the chairs and imagine that the empty chair is occupied by the other person in the relationship.
  • The question is “As x (yourself or the other person), how do you feel about x?
  • You describe what you think and feel about the imaginary person in the other chair and or the situation.
  • You then change chairs and think about yourself ‘being’ the other person, this time looking at an imagined version of yourself.  Ask the same question.

What’s so interesting is that often we have a very good understanding of the other person but the exercises surface knowledge we’ve often ignored. It also releases a great deal of pent up emotion about a relationship which allows you to think more clearly and find new ways of handling the situation.

Please do contact us if you or a colleague would be interested in one to one business coaching. We can talk through what you are looking for and how we work with our clients. Email me at: Karen@kineticfuture.com.

 

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Be Big. Manage Your Tell 2

Image of Euro Hockey player Maddie Hinch sourced from Flickr & cropped for use.

Here’s the second in our ‘managing your tell’ vlog series. Very relevant as we are all in planning negotiations at this time of year. With solutions to one of the most common ‘tells’ we coach.  Click here to watch.

Let us know how you get on.

To receive high quality coaching on HOW to develop your own executive presence and gravitas for your own situation do give us a ring. We develop practical programmes to suit you.

Email karenmoyse@kineticfuture.com or call us on +44 (0) 1628 621312.

Watch part 1 of this vlog series here.

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Frustration Buster Part 3 – The Happiness Trap

This is a fascinating book by Russ Harris. It’s a programme based on ACT: a mindfulness-based approach to overcoming anxiety and stress.  He uses great day to day analogies we can all relate to with lots of practical quizzes, worksheets and exercises too.

The central idea is that it’s more effective to observe any unhelpful thoughts or feelings rather than try to control them or fight them. And then to ensure that you act on your values.

I’m finding the ideas helpful for me and for the leaders I coach. Try them out for your next presentation, big meeting or challenging conversation.

Here are some simple tips from the first part of the book to help you de-fuse those frustrations or anxious thoughts:

  1. Notice the thought or feeling is there
  2. Observe it, don’t fight it or challenge it
  3. Say ‘thanks mind’ or ‘thanks for sharing’. Notice what happens, or
  4. Pick a favourite cartoon character or movie character like Brian’s mum in ‘The Life of Brian’, (my favourite!), bring it to mind and ‘hear’ the thought in that voice. Notice what happens.

You can use these ideas yourself for day to day worries. The ACT programme is also used by counsellors to help with depression. Buy ‘The Happiness Trap’ by Russ Harris on Amazon here.

KineticFuture is a leadership coaching company specialising in communications. We coach one to one and in groups.  Contact Karen Moyse if you’d like to discuss this on Karen@kineticfuture.com

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Your Gravitas Vlog 1

Our first vlog series is born! It’s called ‘Manage Your Tell’ – the behaviour that tells people you are under pressure and undermines your position. Click here to watch.

We’ll help you find your tell and give you tips to sort it in this 6 part series. Or call us if you’d like to be coached to develop your own confidence, gravitas or executive presence.

To receive high quality coaching on HOW to develop your own executive presence and gravitas for your own situation do give us a ring. We develop practical programmes to suit you.

Email karenmoyse@kineticfuture.com or call us on +44 (0) 1628 621312.

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Frustration Buster Part 2 – Engage That Brain

Q: I am frustrated. I have someone experienced on my team who I know has the potential to develop and contribute a great deal more. But despite all my best efforts it’s just not happening.  It’s not a performance management issue but I know they are giving me only ‘just enough’.  And this year I need everyone firing on all cylinders.  I’m looking for new ideas!

A: A good first step is to think about whether it’s a “can’t cook”, “won’t cook” or “used to cook well but doesn’t now” situation. And consider whether it’s a problem of knowledge, attitude or skills.  Does that narrow it down?

However, I sense that you may need to go back to foundations here. It sounds like your person is not currently engaged in their job.  By that I mean they are not really paying attention, passionate about it or ready to go the extra mile.  So you can try to build their knowledge and skills but without a different mindset nothing much is going to happen.  But you can use some practical nudge strategies from brain science to help.

Here are 3 big ways of building brain engagement. Explore if any of these could work for you.

  1. Coherence. Is the work environment coherent? – How could you make what’s happening or needed clearer, more consistent and easy to understand? Brains engage when there aren’t conflicting messages.
  2. Contribution. Knowing you are contributing gives your brain a big dopamine hit, a great reward. So consider how you enable them to contribute, how you appreciate them properly, what suits their personality type and critically how you systematise how you talk to them so it happens regularly. Remember you’re looking to build on any bright spot of behaviour. It’s much easier to get them going by doing more of something they do already and then flexing.
  3. Interpersonal Connection. We are wired for human connection, even if we are introverts. It’s how early humans survived and good connections boost the oxytocin in our brains, which reduces our stress. Another reward. This is a delicate one because again you need to work out how this individual likes to connect to others. But ask yourself, how can I build trust, how should the contact levels be, how can I increase inclusiveness or build a sense of tribe and how could I encourage collaboration in different ways?

Only you know the practical things that will work for you. Let us know how you get on.

If you would like coaching to tackle this type of challenge or a problem you think stems from a lack of team engagement, do give us a call. We develop practical programmes to suit you.

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Frustration Buster – Part 1

You’ve communicated the vision, you’ve got a great plan but your team or your management is just not getting it. And they are certainly not moving to action.

And it’s no good just shouting louder like the cartoon Brit abroad if you want action.

I’m going to start with a dirty word. For some reason I can’t fathom, the idea that you are ‘selling’ when you communicate is a huge switch off.  Yet life is a pitch – call it what you like.  So dive in and learn a great deal from strategic sales skills.

At the very heart of ‘selling’ is the idea of ‘get over yourself, it’s all about the audience’. It’s all about listening more than you talk and uncovering insights.  It’s about understanding and respecting the other person’s needs, desires, fears.

Yet, we all see leaders at all levels in the company battering people with their own agendas and own messages in their own language. Be honest, in our rush and stress we may all be doing this ourselves!

Top tip:

Base your communications 100% on what’s in it for the other person or the audience. What do they want? Where are they coming from? Sure, you need your own objective in mind, but this is the only way you’ll have a hope of igniting others around purpose.

KineticFuture solves problems by offering advanced communications coaching for: leaders battling change, strategic sales people dealing with scepticism and technical people talking to non technical audiences. Do talk to us about your own challenges by emailing Karen@kineticfuture.com.

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Amazing Humans

Amazing Humans is BBC Three’s series of profiles dedicated to inspirational individuals across the globe who are making changes in their community, big and small.  From acts of kindness and generosity to defying the odds in all shapes and forms.

Click here to go to BBC Three and choose what interests you.

These are some of our personal favourites:

  • The Falkirk student bringing joy to care home residents (image above)
  • The woman who gives free sanitary products to the homeless
  • The biker who sings to people with dementia
  • The lady who creates henna crown tattoos
  • The British doctors who turn drainpipes into prosthetic limbs

The videos are just 2-3 minutes long but beware, you may want to watch them all!

KineticFuture runs fantastic resilience courses which help your team tackle their own resilience and mental game challenges. We’ve worked successfully with sales teams to CEOs.  Our approach is evidence based, 90% practice and pragmatic.  Do give us a call if you’d like to chat through your situation.

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Recommended Reading: Black Box Thinking

‘Black Box Thinking’ is an incredibly thought provoking book by bestselling author, columnist (and former Olympic table tennis player) Matthew Syed.

In an occasionally far from easy read, he looks at the secrets of high performers and how they deal with mistakes and weaknesses.

The approach in sport of looking for marginal gains and developing a supportive, learning culture can be applied to business and life in general.

Buy the book from Amazon.

Find out more in this BBC article ‘Viewpoint: Should we all be looking for marginal gains?’

And read some reviews on the book below:

“An extraordinary, inspirational book which reveals how great performers and teams are driven by an insatiable curiosity for marginal gains, together with the intellectual courage to challenge their most cherished assumptions” (Dave Brailsford, General Manager, Team Sky)

“Creative breakthroughs always begin with multiple failures. This brilliant book shows how true invention lies in the understanding and overcoming of these failures, which we must learn to embrace” (James Dyson, Designer, Inventor & Entrepreneur)

‘Black Box Thinking’ will forever change the way you think about screwing up’ (Daniel Pink, Author)

KineticFuture runs fantastic resilience courses which help your team tackle their own resilience and mental game challenges. We’ve worked successfully with sales teams to CEOs.  Our approach is evidence based, 90% practice and pragmatic.  Do give us a call if you’d like to chat through your situation.

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Game, Set & Match

Our sports stars take their resilience training as seriously as they do their physical training. A top tennis player will tell you that their mental side delivers 70 per cent or more of their success.

Johanna Konta, Wimbledon’s rising star, says that her resilience and the ability to close matches was once a regular weakness. She says her transformation is due in part to putting in the number of hours a week of mental training that respect this 70 per cent.

Andy Murray, World no. 1 tennis player and Dylan Hartley, the 2017 England rugby captain, also talk about how mental work has helped them become leaders.

It’s the same for we business people. We need to be able to stay the course in the tough times, stay focused, have patience when it goes wrong and bounce back.  Resilience also gives us better control of our emotions, more energy and enables us to make better decisions.

So, how much time do you personally spend working on your mind-set?

Here are the quick and quirky resilience tips that have emerged from our sports stars over the past week:

  • Work out where the thoughts come from. You try to find a number of beliefs – I need to win, I don’t want to make mistakes, what happens if I lose? – and you replace those with more positive thoughts.
  • Of course you have a number of tools you can use to relax. Breathing exercises. Visualisation. You visualise a positive outcome – not winning a match but a small step like a corner where you want to serve.
  • Trigger words you can say in your head; words that keep you thinking positively – ‘keep fighting’, ‘you can do it’ ‘that point doesn’t matter’.
  • The philosophy is to focus only on things you can control. Not winning or losing control or your ranking but your effort, your attitude. You release the pressure of what you can’t control.

And if all else fails, take Konta’s advice and bake muffins! Great distraction.

KineticFuture runs fantastic resilience courses which help your team tackle their own resilience and mental game challenges. We’ve worked successfully with sales teams to CEOs.  Our approach is evidence based, 90% practice and pragmatic.  Do give us a call if you’d like to chat through your situation.